These days, with the popularity of the Boston Red Sox vastly eclipsing Fenway Park’s occupancy limits, you’re lucky to get tickets to a rainy April night game. As the 3rd smallest major league ballpark, Fenway management must also have to make some tough decisions when hiring. The obvious jobs to apply for would be in concessions, tickets, usher duties, or security. Within these hordes of able-bodied Fenway Friendlies, few stick out as having ‘dream jobs.’ Ushers get to watch snippets of the game but generally have their back to the action. The dank, sticky thoroughfares that house the concession stands are loud, and induce claustrophobia between innings when steadily building alcohol levels tweak patrons standing in line. Ticket-takers seem truly bored whenever I pass though the turnstiles. And, finally, security issues such as weapon alerts, drunk and disorderlies, Yankees Fans being assaulted, and bleacher beach ball bingo would detract from the otherwise pleasant experience of being at the ballpark.

However, a handful of dreamers looking to find gainful employment in America’s Most Beloved Ballpark can still keep their hopes alive. With any luck, and a wealth of experience, take a shot and submit your resume for tour guide, groundskeeper, bat boy/girl, or scoreboard operator. Any of these glamorous positions will be sure to wow your parents and attract a capacity crowd of new best friends. (Note: Announcer and Organist are omitted due to the fact you are nowhere near qualified to take these jobs from Carl Beane and Josh Kantor, respectively.)

For a die-hard Red Sox fan, becoming a tour guide would be a no-brainer-you actually get to step onto the field! Moreover, you have access to locker rooms, press boxes, secret entrances, and a wealth of Red Sox trivia. Granted, to even pass the screening process for the job, you need to have a Boston accent (see my article on How to Master a Boston Accent), ace a Red Sox history exam, and pass a polygraph that you won’t take dirt or grass as souvenirs on your first day.

If you’re not exactly a people person, but still want your “office” view to include the Green Monster, apply for a Fenway groundskeeper position. If your resume lists raking, meticulous lawn mowing, spreading red clay, and chalking base paths, then you may just qualify for a life of tending the Boston Garden of Eden. (Extra points for anyone with O.C.D. and a weedwacker.)

Some job seekers may be looking for a less labor-intensive shift at Fenway. For you, I suggest inquiring about a position as scoreboard operator. Fenway is home to one of the last manually operated scoreboards in the Major Leagues. Since 1934, the landmark scoreboard has seated 3 scorers inside the Green Monster during each game. The 16″ X 16″ numbered squares weigh 3 pounds each, so there is a slight workout involved. The one detractor of this highly decorated occupation is that you’re cooped up in the belly of the monster on a beautiful summer day or evening.

As far as employment at Fenway goes, the cream of the crop (or, in Beantown, the cream of the crock) has to go to those lucky few that get to be bat boys and bat girls. Luckily, for all of us grown-ups, even a 36 year old can be a batboy. In no other Fenway job does one get to interact with players and umpires, handle equipment, and have opportunities to shine in the spotlight in front of 36,000 fans. Whether you’re manning the dugout or 1st and 3rd baselines, you’re one step away from being a major league hero. Just be sure to warm up your throwing arm and practice fielding grounders before taking the field. It also helps to be in shape for this job. Those uniforms are not very forgiving!

Well, there you have it-the best jobs at Fenway. For some, Fenway is their field of dreams, as well as their workplace. Some throw bags of peanuts at you from 30 ft. away, others reunite lost children with their parents. For the rest of us, there’s nothing like scalping a last minute ticket outside the Cask n’ Flagon to enter a world where work is the last thing on our mind.

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